How to Work Together
Presentation, Transcript and Webinar, Kevin Hale, Partner @ Y Combinator
How to work together
Why do startups fail?
Run out of money. Founders stop working.
Run out of money. Founders stop working together.
Founders need to optimize a relationship that can last for 10 years.
John Gottman
15 Minutes = 85% 1 Hour = 94%
Everyone fights.
Money Fundraising / Runway Kids Customers / Employees Sex Performance Time Roadmap Jealousy Competition In-Laws Partnerships
The Four Horsemen Criticism Contempt Defensiveness Stonewalling
Criticism
Contempt
Defensiveness
Stonewalling
Make a plan before you fight.
Divide and Conquer
Money Adora Kids Kevin Sex Adora Time Kevin Jealousy No one. In-Laws Adora
Money CFO Kids Support / HR Sex CTO / COO / Sales Time CEO / CPO Jealousy CEO In-Laws Biz Dev / CEO
Once you decide ownership. Determine success and failure.
Money Successful fundraise Kids High employee retention Sex 20% YoY sales growth Time Shipping on time weekly Jealousy We’re rated top 3! In-Laws Referral program working
Money 3 months runway or less Kids Low NPS score Sex Website loading 10 sec+ Time New features not used Jealousy Churn too high In-Laws Failed partnership
Usually, CEO has final say. Board has real final say.
Know Thyself
What is your attachment style?
Secure • • Anxious • Avoidant
What is your cofounder’s attachment style?
youtube.com/watch?v=2s9ACDMcpjA
Document a process
While you’re emotionally sober, create a process for dealing with disagreements.
https://matterapp.com/blog/decision-disagreement-framework-how-we-encourage-disagreements-at-matter/
There are lots of ways. You just all have to agree ahead of time.
Use Non Violent Communication
“When [observation], I feel [emotion] because I’m needing some [universal needs]. Would you be able to [request]?”
Observation vs Evaluation
Emotions vs Thoughts
https://www.slideshare.net/nonviolent/evaluative-words-list-nonviolent-communication
Universal Needs
Example Universal Needs • Autonomy • Respect • Collaboration • Reassurance • Consistency • Security • Clarity • Support • Integrity • Understanding • Recognition
Requests vs Demands
Make it specific • • Say what you want • Stay curious
https://medium.com/s/please-advise/the-essential-guide-to-difficult-conversations-41f736e63ccf
Pay down your emotional debt.
Pay this down everyday.
Practice Having Level 3 Conversations
Goals • What are our short term goals for the company? • Are we using the right metrics? • Are we hiring our goals?
Roles • Is it clear who is responsible for what? • Do we agree that the current division makes the most sense?
Performance • Is our workload distributed in an optimal manner today? • Do we all feel a high level of dedication and motivation? • What mechanisms are in place for providing feedback to each other?
How to Work Together • Everyone fights, so make a plan. • Figure out roles, goals and a process before emotions get involved. • Start having hard conversations now. • Use non violent communication to share honest feedback without • Pay down emotional debt regularly.
Kevin Hale Y Combinator @ilikevests